What is it really like?

What is it really like to lose a family member?

When this happens, people usually tell us the more common lines like,

“It’s okay. He lived a long life.”
“At least his pain didn’t last longer.”
“He’s in a much better place.”
And so on…

I’m guilty of using these lines. Come to think of it, what else is there to say?
I used to think these lines were enough to console the people who were left behind.
But, coming from a different perspective, now being the person mourning, it’s different.

I’m a Catholic. And I believe in God. But this doesn’t take away the fact that I, too, mourn after death.
I cry not because I don’t want him in a happier place or I’d rather see him suffer. No. I cry because I remember all the memories we’ve had and realize that I won’t have him with me to share more. I cry because I know not having him in my family’s life would mean a huge space that no one else could ever fill up. His laugh, his hand, his voice, his smile- these are my tears.

You’re already missed, Tatay.

-Nik